Jet lag sucks. Dante could have added a whole new circle to hell with the experiences folk have with Jet and Lag. I have been miserable and nothing has cured it. It is conceivable that I actually slept through a meal or two! I didn’t know my up from my down or my left from my other left. My tail was wagging the wrong way and my bark was coming out sideways. It was horrible. I tried everything I could think of. I walked outside bare pawed on the grass. I peed on the grass. Nothing. I ate a plastic bottle of melatonin. Nothing. I drank ALOT and peed ALOT. Nothing. I was lost in translation for about a week. The humans weren’t much help. I woke a few times horribly disorientated and unsure of my location. I let out a bark or 2. You know, in case there were any ninjas in the shadows about to attack me in my weakened state. The humans stopped whatever they were doing and took me outside for a sightseeing trip!!! At 2 or 3 am!! WTF?? I gave them a few nips to express my dissatisfaction and then in true Watson fashion, made the most of it. I peed on the odd car, bike, lamp post, cat, brick, plastic bottle, pile of leaves, empty wine bottle, clump of seaweed and what might have been a dead crab. Then when the cold had shriveled my manhood to the point of femininity, The Big Dude dragged me back into the warmth.
The house here is small. Small but cozy. It is just the right size for a Watson and 2 humans. In all other regards, it is wonderful. There are soft spots to lounge about on. Dark places to have a kip. Plenty of food to eat. Local custom seems to frown upon jumping on the table to indulge one’s appetite. Further investigation is required. There is a steady supply of love and cuddles from the soppy Humans. There are a few children that get brought into the house for me to practice stalking and ambushing. No complaints there. The biggest problems so far are The Big Dude and The Dysonator. He is all gung ho about trips to the beach and going for a swim…..fuck that….it was -9C this morning. And The Dysonator is insane when it comes to cleaning. She has this loud machine that she pushes around the house which magically vanishes all of the scraps of food the Big Dude dropped over the course of the preceding hour or so.
Speaking of magic.
There is a strange box that we have to go into to get to the house. We walk in. The doors close. The Big Dude pushes a button. We wait. The doors open and the world has changed! We are magically up in the air and just outside the door to our house. There was none of this witchcraft in Florida. Just large reptiles and small handed Oompa Loompas! This place must be over the rainbow or some shit. I did eat a mushroom or 2. Maybe that is the problem. I shall have to do some more research.
So, dear reader. I must apologize for my lack of blogging. I have been asleep or out and about. It isn’t much of an excuse, but for those of you familiar with jet lag, one that is certainly understandable.