The trees were a bust. The manager here has started acting more like a Lager Kommandant. Three times I tried to head out of the front door to take a stroll along the main boardwalk. Those delicious looking trees swayed tantalizingly in the breeze. And three times Herr Kommandant sprinted down the Strasse, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and tossed me back in my ‘cell’. I think someone watched The Great Escape over the Christmas period. I am now in solitary. There isn’t even a ball to play with. Just call me the Cooler King from this point onward! Fuck.
My new cell is just next door to the main living quarters. I had no idea it was here. I suspect Herr Kommandant has hidden the entrance behind a blanket. I was greatly concerned at first breakfast. I heard the sounds and inhaled the heady aroma as he made his way across the compound. Then, when the doors opened next door I freaked out a little. You can take my freedom, but under no circumstances take my breakfast! I did a little involuntary drooling and whined for a few seconds.. I must have got the pitch just right. I was going for ‘half asleep but starving baby being dragged off by dingoes’. Anyway, long story short, the food came and the Kommandant smiled at me and called me a handsome little run away. Creepy? Yes. But it is always nice to hear the handsome part. I ate quickly. I was concerned that he might change his mind and pull the food away at the last second. But either I was too fast on the eating, he was too slow on being a bastard or he was actually being kind.
Second breakfast was the same. He was bit slower to catch the whine, so when it came to lunch, I was really hamming it up. I expect that I shall be offered a part on stage soon. I really was that good. I hear great things about the production that the Takei dude is doing. Perhaps a starring role in that. I shall have to practice some singing tomorrow. Anyway, as soon as I heard the door to the guard barracks open, I was in full swing. The whine and yelp. The undertones of yap and a slight drop to my lower growl register followed by an arpeggio of my best tonal phrasing and I was right back up in the higher end of my range. I finished it all off with a good retch and a fresh deposit of yellow bile on the floor. He got the idea. Me first. The door opened. The bowl hit the floor and I was all over it. I ate it so bloody fast that I managed to slip out of my cell while he was still opening the gate to general population. I followed him over to the family pen and scampered in when he opened the door.
The Kommandant didn’t see me slip in. He dropped a bowl of food right next to me and then I guess he headed out to check on me in my cell. HA. If I have learned one thing in my forty some days on this planet, it is that you shouldn’t look a gift bowl in the mouth, so to speak. I was all over that like Donamir Trumpin on a Miss Universe contestant. Breakfasts one and two and lunches one and two. Exactly what a growing lad like me needs. The Kommandant came back into the old pad grumbling about a run away. He did a head count and came up with the right number. The next part was a little off though. He picked up each of us black dogs one by one and stared at us for a few seconds. I think he was trying to find me. Then, and this is where it gets crazy, he said “Bollocks! You all look the same to me!” I am the only boy!! Racist, sexist bastard!